Empoweringkids | Elaine Chandler - October 2003: Personal Power

October 2003: Personal Power

Tuesday, 30 September 2003

Newsletter Contents

Publisher's Pen: Personal Power

“Love is the child of freedom; never that of domination.”
Erich Fromm

As adults, we have a tremendous power that can be used to develop personal power in our children, helping them to reach their full potential in their lives; or we can (often mistakenly) misuse our power, creating obstacles for them to overcome if they are ever to experience success.

I choose not to have cable television at home, but when I travel, I will frequently surf the channels in my hotel room to see what’s on, hoping to catch an episode of American Idol, an empowering program for kids in my opinion.

One evening, I watched part of an episode of Friends, and witnessed more than one type of misuse of power. Jennifer Aniston’s character repeated some health advice to her boyfriend that had been given to her by her chiropractor. Her boyfriend remarked, “why take advice from someone who has their office in a shopping plaza?” Jennifer’s character did not respond or stand her ground. Later, an actor playing her father walked on stage and began to be verbally abusive to her boyfriend, finding fault in everything he did and everything he said.

We still have influences of a patriarchal culture that believes that women should be subordinate to men and men should be subordinate to other men. Patriarchy is a set of beliefs about both men and women concerning power over another individual, entitlements to power and having complete authority over another. Add to that other factors and influences in our modern day society such as paranoia, stress, being an adult survivor of abuse, and we can very easily have a misuse of power of adults toward children.

What would be the proper use of power to help our children reach their full potential? It is being one’s own authority, rather than taking authority over another person. It is taking authority over children’s progress by presenting the best experiences for growth that will not harm or demean them, and giving them guided practice in a non-hurtful way. Notice that I purposely did not say, “in a loving way,” because much harm has been done in the name of “love,” and also in the name of “God,” (which is just another way of taking God’s name in vain).

In this issue, you will learn to recognize the proper use versus misuse of power. You may recognize that power is being misused against you. If so, take heart, for that is the first step toward recovery! May we be beacons of light to our children, mining our own true gold, and letting it shine the pathway for their future.

Smiles,

elaine

Elaine

Empowering Parents and Teachers:

How can we recognize the effective use versus misuse of power: looking beyond our own experiences into the experiences of the lives we touch everyday? Here is a chart that compares two ways to use power:

Effective Use of Power creating personal power.

Honoring the child as a human being with his/her own aspirations, hopes, dreams, thoughts and feelings.

Creative problem‑solving producing a "win‑win" situation, embracing the involvement and the cooperation of all parties.

Providing learning experiences that are tailored to each child's individual needs and rate of progress.

Creating an atmosphere of mutuality and co‑creation in a community oriented environment where each each child is equally important.

Using words in everyday speech or jokes that empower, show respect, encourage and inspire.

Declarations of love that are in direct correlation with encouraging statements.

Results of empowerment, excitement, enthusiasm, confidence, high self‑esteem, with the ability to take on new challenges and goals.

Misuse of Power creating obstacles to personal power:

The illusion that power must be maintained over another regardless of their aspirations, hopes, dreams, thoughts, and feelings.

Problem‑solving that creates winners and losers with compromise and forced cooperation of one side.

Providing learning experiences only to the whole group, expecting everyone to progress at the same rate.

Creating an atmosphere of control and dominance, with rules that change to suit the one in control, and where there is marked inequality.

Using words in everyday speech or jokes that disempower, show disrespect, stereotype, generalize, or demean.

Declarations of love that are in direct contrast, and often mixed in, with hurtful statements.

Consequences of disempowerment, loss of enthusiasm, self‑doubt, low self‑esteem, anxiety, fear, hostility; wanting to run away.

Empowering K.I.D.S. (Kids In Daily Situations):

Take this survey to find out why you may have difficulties at school, at home, on the playground, or in your neighborhood. Then find out what you can do.

1. Have other kids called you names?	Yes	No

2. Have you been told you must always keep up with others?	Yes	No

3. Have you been told you’ll never be good at (fill in blank)?	Yes	No

4. Has anyone repeatedly yelled at you in a mean way?	Yes	No

5. Has anyone repeatedly pushed, shoved or hit you?	Yes	No

6. Has anyone been mean to you & said, “it’s for your own good”	Yes	No

7. Do you have to do things a certain way all the time?	Yes	No

8. Have you been told repeatedly that your opinion doesn’t count?	Yes	No

9. Do you always have to show respect to adults, no matter what?	Yes	No

10. Do you find that you barely have any time to have fun at home or school?
	Yes	No

If you answered “yes” to any one question, then you are not being treated you the way you deserved be treated. IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE TREATED BADLY! All kids are born good, and deserve to be treated well! Remember this: God doesn’t make any junk!
Here are some things you can say:

“It is not okay to talk to me like that.”

“That’s only what you say.”

“Stop it!”

“I will not listen to that kind of talk.”

“It hurts me when you do that-stop it!”

“I’m confused. I’m not sure what you want me to say (do).”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Last Updated ( Friday, 04 May 2007 )

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