Newsletter Contents

• Publisher's Pen
• Empowering Parents and Teachers
• Empowering K.I.D.S. (Kids In Daily Situations)

Publisher's Pen: Assertive Discipline

“Under no circumstances should the discipline violate
the physical or emotional well-being of the children.”
                                                            Lee Canter.

When I conduct workshops for schools across my state, educators ask for help in teaching parents effective ways to deal with children’s behavior. Some parents equate discipline with hitting their children; however experts in the field define discipline as a corrective action to help teach children more appropriate behavior.

We all struggle to be good parents. Most of us are doing the best we can with what knowledge we have. And, believe it or not, kids struggle to be good kids. For the most part, they want to please their parents and teachers. But, there are enough circumstances in our daily lives that can throw us off of the path if we are not mindful of what is happening.  If we are off of the path long enough, valuable connections to our children will be lost, causing us tremendous time and effort to reconnect and bond.

Having been a member of an online chat group on spanking started by kids, I have been amazed (and saddened) to hear from some parents who justify using physical force on their children for misbehavior. They refer to any other kind of discipline as “psychobabble,” and quote the Christian Bible as the source of authority in assaulting their children. Unfortunately, violence only begets more violence. I came to realize that they didn’t know what else to do other than to take the easy way out by misusing their power as adults.

Overly permissive parents also take the easy way out, but if they don’t teach their children to be disciplined, then society will. Other parents may work too many hours to be there for their children. And, some parents give up on their children, with the feeling that nothing works.

Effective discipline takes effort, consistency, much of our attention, and communication skills that we can learn. Practice of these skills over a relatively short period of time will create an atmosphere of guidance, safety, love, caring and respect – qualities that we want to see in our children.

To create a miracle in our children, may we first be the miracle, and show them by example what truly is love, respect and caring.

Smiles,

Elaine

Empowering Parents and Teachers:

Assertive discipline, a term used by Lee and Marlene Canter, is the name of a program for educators that effectively guides children’s behavior in the classroom. It has been successful in helping almost half a million teachers across the U.S. guide children’s behavior through firm but caring communications and actions, and has been endorsed in 25 states.

Their book, Assertive Discipline for Parents: A Proven, Step-by-Step Approach to Solving Everyday Behavior Problems, (Harper and Row, NY), is an excellent resource for parents, and is easy to read and use as a reference. They give specific examples of how to speak to your children effectively, how to follow up with appropriate actions, and how to give logical consequences. There are worksheets at the end of the book to put into use. And finally, they list information for parent workshops that can be sponsored by your local school, PTA or church. I highly recommend that you read this book. It can be purchased at any bookstore, or online here: http://www.amazon.com

Another effective way to help your children do the right thing is to praise them for positive behavior. Many kids come to know what parents don’t want them to do, but may not know what to do, or don’t get praised when they are behaving well. Below is a worksheet to help you to determine what is important to you, where your child’s behavior is concerned, and what you can do when you catch your child doing something right. 

Major Concerns:

List your major concerns. Be realistic, not idealistic or perfection-oriented. (For example, you do not want your child to break the law; however minor infractions cannot always be avoided, such as inadvertently running a red light, parking violations, etc). Make sure your concerns are in the best interest of your child, and are child-centered, not parent-centered, such as, “I want my child to make me look good.”

1. (i.e, I want my child to be a law-abiding citizen.)

2. (i.e, I want my child to be respectful).

3. (i.e., I want my child to find his true calling).

4.

5.

6.

(Write as many as you feel are necessary.)

Minor Concerns:

These are concerns that vary from the major concerns in that, while major concerns should not be broken, minor concerns are those that take time and effort to work on in order to produce the results that you would like to see on a consistent basis. (For example, I want my child to get his homework done – there may be other factors involved, such as, understanding the math, etc.)

1. (I want my child to help with household chores.)

2.  (I want my child to complete schoolwork.)

3

4.

5

6.

(Write as many as you feel are necessary, but limit the number as best as you can).

What I Can Do When I Catch My Child Doing Something Right:

This is a list of what is important to your child that you can do to help motivate good behavior. It will provide validation for children that they are on the right path, give them confidence, and give you peace of mind as the atmosphere in your home becomes more peaceful. It will also support a close and loving bond.

1. (I will give extra time that is valuable to them.)

2. (I will allow an extra snack.)

3.  (I will allow him/her to choose the reward.)

4.

5.

(Have your child help you write this list. Write as many as you both can.)

Remember:

Negative reinforcement only reinforces what you don’t want. Positive reinforcement reinforces what you do want!

Empowering K.I.D.S. (Kids In Daily Situations):

Learn how to be caught doing something right. Just as parents can learn how to communicate clearly, kids can learn how to communicate clearly, also.

The first step is to think about what you want your parents to know about you. They may not know, because maybe you never told them. Do they know about your hopes, dreams and aspirations?

The next step is to consciously remember ways that you can be recognized in a positive way. Think about it, write it down and show it to your parents. Is there anything they might add to the list? I’ve started a list for you to add to.

What I Want My Parents to Know about Me:

1.      (example):That I really do care about them.

2.

3.

4.

5.

(Write as many things that you can think of.)

Ways to Be Recognized in a Positive Way:

1.      Doing my homework.

2.      Helping with household chores.

3.      Saying “please” and “thank you.”

4.      Showing a good attitude.

6.

7.

(Write as many as you can think of.)

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